Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Sometimes there are no answers. (Christopher Paolini)

Today a friend was told that she has breast cancer. Her world has suddenly, unexpectedly, been filled will medical terms and discussions and decisions that she's not sure she's ready to make. But it's not for me to share her story. Not until she's ready to share it, anyway.

What I can share are my own torn emotions.

The good part of me is worried about my friend and her family. They've had so much to deal with in recent years; it really isn't fair that cancer would come along and trump everything else. I want to wrap my arms around her and assure her that everything will be fine, that she will be one of the survivors, that her family will be able to help her cope, and that life will be kind and good and everything that it deserves to be for her.

The selfish, horrible part of me is scared because if she can be affected, my friend who gets regular checkups and routine mammograms, then what about me? I don't like going to the doctor so I avoid going unless it is beyond necessary. I've never had a mammogram, even though I know I'm way past due. Is refusing any medical testing enough to prevent hearing any negative results?

The next few days, weeks, months are going to be difficult. There's little I can do, I know. Mostly I'm going to need to just be there, so she can do what she needs to do. Prayer will help. And maybe a nice shawl, to wrap her in my love...

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