The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. (Ivy Baker Priest)

I haven't done a Tuesday Tuneup in a while, so I thought it might be nice to share how I'm doing. Of course, it might have been nice if I had managed to get my haircut BEFORE the graduation -- this is a really horrible picture. But it's the first time I'm really seeing the difference in myself.

Which is a good thing, because recently I've been really discouraged. Even though I've lost a bunch of weight in the past nine months, and I've gone down five sizes, I really haven't been able to see a difference. Part of that, I know, is because I still have a totally skewered view of myself. For years I couldn't see the weight gain, and now I'm having trouble seeing any loss.

My second discouragement has to do with finally reaching my first major goal. I've gotten down to my pre-divorce weight, so you think that I would be over-the-hill thrilled. But apparently I'm a glass-half-empty person, because all I've been able to think about is that I'm only halfway to my final goal. I've been weighing, watching, giving up, being good for all this time and I still have another 50 to 60 pounds to lose. Don't get me wrong, I love that I was able to buy a bathing suit that looks cute on me. And I love that I'm starting to notice guys notice me. (Oh yeah, I really love that!) And I love that I can go into the regular clothes area with my mom or my daughter and find things to try on, instead of having to go off alone into the "women's" area to hope for something remotely stylish. But. Am I really only halfway to goal? After all this?

I was actually so discouraged, that I've basically given up on the dieting the past couple of weeks. I started skipping my Weight Watcher meetings, and "treating" myself to foods without recording them in my food diary. I stopped counting points (usually around lunchtime each day).

Tonight, though, I took myself in hand and went back to Weight Watchers. Okay, my daughter actually convinced me to go back, after I started to come up with another excuse to wait a week. It's a different meeting than I was going to, but I think this is really what I needed. I like the leader; she let the members bring up issues and then dealt with them.

So as of now, I'm starting over. Instead of looking back to compare what I've already done with what I still have to do, I'm just looking at the future. I'm going to celebrate the same goals (5%, 10%) that new members celebrate, based on today's weight. I'm going to be a fanatical in tracking and planning as I was back in September when I first started. And in a couple of months, I'll remember to cut my hair before I share the wonderful progress I've made.