Sunday, September 30, 2007

Memories of our lives, of our works and our deeds will continue in others. (Rosa Parks)

It's hard to think of what to write. It's difficult even wanting to write. I don't know how much to share, and what to keep private. So I've avoided posting anything at all.

A week ago at this time, I was at my grandmother's viewing. My children and I had rushed up north to be with her, and missed her by about an hour. Luckily my mother had managed to get a flight the day before. My grandmother died surrounded by her children, and several of her grandchildren. She was greatly loved, and I deeply miss her.

Yesterday I spent the day with my mom. We looked through photos and old papers that my grandmother had kept. I enjoyed sharing the memories and "tall tales" about gramma and grampa. She had kept almost all the letters I wrote her, which both made me proud and ashamed.

Proud, because the letters were well-written and funny. Reading them brought vivid pictures of my children as babies, getting into mischief and creating chaos for me as a new mom. I forgot that I had the ability to write that way. (I don't know why I don't in this blog...I guess it's something I'll have to work on.)

But I'm also ashamed, because in the past few years I hadn't written very often. Thinking about it, my grandmother had given my several subtle hints ("Sandi, I miss getting your letters.") but I just never had the time or energy to write properly. I didn't even mail her birthday card (she turned 89 three days before her death); it's still in my computer bag, complete with stamp, just waiting for me to write a quick letter to enclose with it.

I'm not sure what purpose this I want this blog to serve. When I started it two years ago, I wanted an excuse to take pictures and improve my photography. I thought I could use my posts to concentrate on the positive, amusing aspects of life. Then I developed a small audience of friends and family, and suddenly I got stage fright. I couldn't be sure of what to write about, or how. I'm still not.

But I'd like to try to write "gramma letters" - still focusing on the quirky side of life, but with little more style and a lot more often. Please feel free to comment in the future...I could use some guidance.

And gramma -- Thank you for everything you taught me. I love you.

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