Merry Christmas!

He travelled in order to come home. (William Trevor)

My mom, my aunt, and I went on a road trip today to Lake Wales. We wanted to visit Bok Tower Sanctuary to see the holiday mansion. Mom and I have made this trip before, and as always it was well worth the trip. I wish I could have taken pictures inside the mansion, because the decorations were gorgeous. It really put me in the mood to pull out all my boxes of holiday stuff.

Instead, I found my house just as beautifully decorated by my very own elves while I was out! (I love my children.)

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig. (Paul Dickson)

I love my family. I really do. We are the greatest, goofiest group of people (despite our tendency toward the melodramatic) to gather together by blood and/or love.

I was reminded of this today at our First Annual Florida Ornament Hunt. (In case you’re wondering, it’s sort of like an Easter Egg Hunt, but with Christmas ornaments.) It was the brilliant idea of my sister, who was supposed to be planning a very simple picnic. She even carried an artificial Christmas tree to the (heavily wooded) park for us to decorate with the found ornaments.

Needless to say, we had a blast. One of my cousins was the winner, and while I won’t go so far as to accuse him of cheating, I will mention that he was caught with extra ornaments in his pockets. (This was the same cousin who presented my son with the mounted boar’s head for our living room.) I was too busy taking pictures to actually find any ornaments. (Hey, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!)

By the way, the boar’s head isn’t nearly as hideous and I was afraid it would be. Wilbur (yes, we’ve already named it courtesy of my cousin’s wife) might even be considered cute…especially once I’ve had a chance to dress him up with a Santa hat and sunglasses…

Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far. (Thomas Jefferson)

I'm tired.

I've tried telling myself that I'm a very lucky person. My client's schedule includes walking laps in a local park three times a week, which means that I'm now walking laps three times a week. And how many overweight, out-of-shape people get paid to exercise?

I'm still tired.

I knew there was a story; once you find a dog with a fork through it, you know there's a story there. (Mark Haddon)

Oh my gosh. If you have not read this book yet, stop reading this blog and go get yourself a copy of it. It's really that good.

I work with autistic adults (amongst other developmental disabilities), and this book was amazing. I have no idea how accurate it is (whether or not this is the way someone with autism sees the world), but it certainly could be accurate.

Besides which, the book was just plain fun to read. Once I started it, I barely put it down. And I'm already planning to reread it.

Oh for a book and a shady nook... (John Wilson)

I am so tired. There's just too much to do, and not enough time to do it in. Of course, it would help if I would just learn to say "no" once in a while instead of agreeing to fix two trays of finger sandwiches. Oh well, I'll get to it in the morning. Hopefully.

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. (Augusten Burroughs)

My son was being obnoxious, so I looked at him and said "That's one." He just stared blankly at me, with no apparent remembrance of his early childhood training (whatever you do, don't let mama reach three!). So I told him a joke to explain:

There was a couple who had reached their 50th wedding anniversary, without ever having been heard to argue. At the party, several people wondered how the couple had managed to stay so loving for so long. Finally, someone went up to Herb and asked him, "How did you manage to stay married for 50 years without ever having a fight?"

Herb smiled, and said that when he had first gotten married, he and his wife had taken a wonderful honeymoon to the Grand Canyon. While there, they decided to take the mule ride down into the canyon. Herb's wife rode down first, and Herb followed behind where he could see and admire his beautiful bride.

Unfortunately, the mule that Herb's wife rode on was a little frisky and had a tendency to kick. After a couple of bumps, Herb's bride got off the mule, walked around to look it straight in the eyes, and said "That's one." Then she got back on the mule and continued down the trail.

The mule behaved for a little while, but soon was back to playing tricks. After the mule suddenly stopped and refused to go on, Herb's wife got back off the mule, walked around to look it straight in the eyes, and said "That's two." Then she got back on the mule and continued down the trail.

Herb watched this in amazement. It was astounding and fascinating that his bride had such self assurance. After a little while, the mule started to act up again and tried to rush down the last bit of the hill without regard for his rider. Herb watched his bride get off the mule again, walk around to look it straight in the eye, then she pulled out a gun and shot the mule dead.

Herb was appalled. How could she so carelessly kill an animal? His wife calmly looked at him and said "That's one."

Herb finished his story with the explanation that he never quite had the nerve to let her count any higher than that.

Just about the time I finished this joke, I noticed my daughter had come into the room. She was clearly upset.

"My aunt shot a mule?!" she demanded.

Apparently she walked into the middle of the joke, and assumed that the Herb in the story was her Uncle Herb.

She better hope her Aunt doesn't read this, or she'll be on "One!"

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. (Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners)

It's been a really nice day today. My aunt is visiting, and I spent the day with her and my mom. We started by visiting a yard sale, then went out to breakfast. In the afternoon we treated ourselves to a movie. (Enchanted, which was adorable!)

Best of all, we got to talk and giggle and have fun together.

And we're going to do it again next weekend...

That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the task itself has become easier, but that our ability to perform it has improved.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Paul Klee
"The One Who Understands"
Metropolitan Museum of Art

* * *

Did I tell you about the high-speed chase I was in yesterday? It was kind of cool, although to be honest I didn't even realize what was going on until afterwards.

I was driving down a road that I wasn't really familiar with, so I was just barely going the speed limit. Or as my son would say, I was driving like an old lady. A car came up behind me, and he obviously wanted me to go faster because he stayed real close to my back bumper, but I was not going to be bullied into going any faster than what I was comfortable with. Unfortunately, he couldn't pass me because there was only one lane in each direction with a tree-lined median between them and no real shoulder on the road. So I continued to just drive, ignoring the guy. Just about the time that I noticed police lights coming up behind us, the median ended and the guy rushed past me close enough to scrape my side mirror. The traffic light down the road in front of us was red, but he never even stopped. Seconds later, the police car passed around me, and he flew through the red light as well. When I got to the light, the policeman had caught up with the first guy.

So the next time my kids tease me about driving slow, I'm going to remind them that driving slow helps nab the bad guys.