It's hard to think of what to write. It's difficult even wanting to write. I don't know how much to share, and what to keep private. So I've avoided posting anything at all.
A week ago at this time, I was at my grandmother's viewing. My children and I had rushed up north to be with her, and missed her by about an hour. Luckily my mother had managed to get a flight the day before. My grandmother died surrounded by her children, and several of her grandchildren. She was greatly loved, and I deeply miss her.
Yesterday I spent the day with my mom. We looked through photos and old papers that my grandmother had kept. I enjoyed sharing the memories and "tall tales" about gramma and grampa. She had kept almost all the letters I wrote her, which both made me proud and ashamed.
Proud, because the letters were well-written and funny. Reading them brought vivid pictures of my children as babies, getting into mischief and creating chaos for me as a new mom. I forgot that I had the ability to write that way. (I don't know why I don't in this blog...I guess it's something I'll have to work on.)
But I'm also ashamed, because in the past few years I hadn't written very often. Thinking about it, my grandmother had given my several subtle hints ("Sandi, I miss getting your letters.") but I just never had the time or energy to write properly. I didn't even mail her birthday card (she turned 89 three days before her death); it's still in my computer bag, complete with stamp, just waiting for me to write a quick letter to enclose with it.
I'm not sure what purpose this I want this blog to serve. When I started it two years ago, I wanted an excuse to take pictures and improve my photography. I thought I could use my posts to concentrate on the positive, amusing aspects of life. Then I developed a small audience of friends and family, and suddenly I got stage fright. I couldn't be sure of what to write about, or how. I'm still not.
But I'd like to try to write "gramma letters" - still focusing on the quirky side of life, but with little more style and a lot more often. Please feel free to comment in the future...I could use some guidance.
And gramma -- Thank you for everything you taught me. I love you.